Summaries, Summaries

Just sitting around at my Dad's house with nothing to do and no one to talk to. Not whining, just entertaining myself with a useless blog entry. This weekend has had some good points though. First off, it's always good to see my Dad. I'm extremely fortunate to have him as a parent because he really does care and tries his hardest to show that and to help me with anything and everything he can. I'd be in a much more terrible state financially if it wasn't for him as well.

Anyways, I drove up here Friday afternoon. Also, I got a hair cut before I left town. The drive up here was just as boring as I had imagined it being. It was really hot outside and my A.C. doesn't work. Anyways, once I got here, we hung out and cooked some food on the grill. I proceeded to download a shit ton of movies and music, watching some Kaliedo Star and then went to sleep.

Today I woke up and went off to Greensboro with my Dad. Went in a record store and a few pawn shops. All I ended up buying was the first DVD of Excel Saga. The highlight of the morning was getting a huge breakfast sandwich and a delicious frozen chocolate covered banana flavored mocha. Holy shit it was delicious! Came back towards Dad's house after that. I got a call from Panera Bread for an interview on Monday. I couldn't be more stoked to finally hopefully be getting a job! I need money really really badly.

The rest of the night was boring as hell....went to my uncle's and got some food, etc, etc. I need get a good amount of stuff from my uncle Buster, who is always extremely willing to give stuff away. I got new door speakers for my car, a few quarts of oil and a new knife. But the main thing is that apparently he is starting to build me a fucking HARLEY. I couldn't be more stoked on getting one of those and hopefully taking some trips with my Dad someday.

Waiting around now to talk to Taylor for a few then sleep. Not looking forward to driving home, but glad that I will be home tomorrow.

Looking Back.

I just re-read all the entries I posted on here last year. It's weird to see how I felt about my life just over a year ago. I was affected so profoundly when me and that certain someone broke up, but now I can see that it has mostly changed me for the better. I'm sure I could sit here for awhile and say all the bad things that it caused and all the bad things that have happened since then that are involved with me and that person, but I've come to realize over the past 5 or 6 months that things happen, I just have to take them as they go and not waste time living in the past. I realize that other people will always be here to affect your life but it's easiest to just pretend as if they don't exist, even when they try to make themselves present.

As of now, life isn't bad at all. I have been enjoying basically every aspect of my life more than ever and I feel like a new person. It's amazing to feel the way I have been lately. I think I am going to start updating this blog pretty regularly from now on.

Morning

I figured that if I didn't post for a long time, I'd maybe have more to say when I finally did. I don't think that's true at all. The only thing I have learned is that life is just one huge disappointment after another. I've watched everything around me come crashing down. I just wish I went with it. I don't mean to bitch and moan, because I know that I am fortunate, but I just don't even see a reason to wake up in the morning anymore. What do I have to look forward to?

Awful

So yesterday was fucking terrible. I haven't been as sad and confused as I was yesterday ever in my life. I don't even know how to explain what I felt yesterday, so I'm not even going to try. I didn't even go to band practice, which I was actually looking forward to, because I didn't feel that I needed to be around anyone yesterday. This really fucking sucks.

My phone won't let me scroll down anymore, so that's awesome. I'm about to go to the T-Mobile store today and figure out what I'm doing about that, I guess.

One good thing was it snowed for a few this morning and I actually got to enjoy it for a little bit, which was awesome. That's about it.

Time

It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how we've changed. I don't know what it is that made you fall so far away from what you, what we were. There are not words to describe what I've been feeling these past few weeks. Everything I see reminds me of it. I can't stop thinking about it, no matter how many distractions I find. Those old pictures are the worst. I see your smile and it makes my eyes water up every single time. Why can't time machines be real? I'd change so much to make everything so much better right now. You said time doesn't change people. You were right about that. Pain is what changes people. I've changed a lot.

Tunnel Pt. 2

I feel even more alone than before. The tunnel that I am going through seems more and more desolate by the minute. My only comfort is that the light at the end is getting more radiant. Although, everyday things push me farther away from reaching that light. I keep trying to find some sort of side route, another escape, but the only way out is forward. So I have to keep trudging forward. While it hurts the most, being alone is also my only comfort in this place. At least I can see that there is nothing else in here that finds me a trespasser on it's territory.

Tunnel

Well, I found out the way to get rid of those feelings. The truth. I should have figured it all out sooner, but didn't until tonight. The feelings have disappeared and now there is really nothing there. It still hurts like hell, but at least I can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Part of me feels relief to such an extent that it's unbelievable. The other half just feels such an unbearable lonely feeling that I don't know what do with myself. I know I should not be dwelling over this, especially knowing the truth of it all, but I am. I hope this tunnel isn't a very long one, because I'm scared of the dark.