Awful

So yesterday was fucking terrible. I haven't been as sad and confused as I was yesterday ever in my life. I don't even know how to explain what I felt yesterday, so I'm not even going to try. I didn't even go to band practice, which I was actually looking forward to, because I didn't feel that I needed to be around anyone yesterday. This really fucking sucks.

My phone won't let me scroll down anymore, so that's awesome. I'm about to go to the T-Mobile store today and figure out what I'm doing about that, I guess.

One good thing was it snowed for a few this morning and I actually got to enjoy it for a little bit, which was awesome. That's about it.

Time

It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how we've changed. I don't know what it is that made you fall so far away from what you, what we were. There are not words to describe what I've been feeling these past few weeks. Everything I see reminds me of it. I can't stop thinking about it, no matter how many distractions I find. Those old pictures are the worst. I see your smile and it makes my eyes water up every single time. Why can't time machines be real? I'd change so much to make everything so much better right now. You said time doesn't change people. You were right about that. Pain is what changes people. I've changed a lot.

Tunnel Pt. 2

I feel even more alone than before. The tunnel that I am going through seems more and more desolate by the minute. My only comfort is that the light at the end is getting more radiant. Although, everyday things push me farther away from reaching that light. I keep trying to find some sort of side route, another escape, but the only way out is forward. So I have to keep trudging forward. While it hurts the most, being alone is also my only comfort in this place. At least I can see that there is nothing else in here that finds me a trespasser on it's territory.

Tunnel

Well, I found out the way to get rid of those feelings. The truth. I should have figured it all out sooner, but didn't until tonight. The feelings have disappeared and now there is really nothing there. It still hurts like hell, but at least I can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Part of me feels relief to such an extent that it's unbelievable. The other half just feels such an unbearable lonely feeling that I don't know what do with myself. I know I should not be dwelling over this, especially knowing the truth of it all, but I am. I hope this tunnel isn't a very long one, because I'm scared of the dark.

Another Day Wasted

Another blog entry that is a day late. I gotta get on the ball with these!

Anyways...Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I got up and sat around basically all day. I eventually went out with my family. We went out to eat at Flaming Amy's and it was awesome as usual. Then, my uncle and I got dropped off at Books a Million while my aunt and Mom went to Walmart. I basically just sat around with Garrett for a little bit and talked about random stuff. He left and I walked around looking at random books.

After my Mom came back for us, we went to Fanboy Comics. I picked up three different ones. I had the first one of the Star Wars Clone Wars comics and wanted the second one. Then I got a 30 Days of Night one and some weird horror comic. I haven't read them yet because I'm too tied up in Death Note. Also I need to finish that last Twilight book so I can return it to Mrs. Mandich.

Anyways, that about sums up yesterday for me.

Cease

This entry is a summary of what I did yesterday, to make up for not posting one. (I didn't intend to use this as a sort of journal among other things, but I kind of like posting this type of stuff on here.)

Yesterday was Friday, so I had school as usual. AFM was boring as usual, Psychology was interesting as usual and now Physical Science is going to be fun because Alex is in there with me. Only bad thing that happened was getting that nostalgic feeling even worse than normal... Anyway, I will hopefully be able to pass all these classes and graduate. Either way, my grades last semester are sufficient for me to be eligible to get my license once report cards come out this coming Monday. I won't be able to get them until Wednesday probably because I have to wait on my Dad to send me the proof of insurance for the van. Next weekend I am going to High Point and trading in the van for a car, hopefully.

Cam texted me and asked if I needed a ride and I did, so he came and got me once I got out of class and we went to Gamestop for a little bit so he could return some game he checked out. Then we went to the pizza place beside there and got some food. They had really awesome buffalo wings, which I tore through really fast. Then we did a little more stuff and I got dropped back at home.

The show last night wasn't terrible, but us and Conquer Me had next to no crowd reaction for a change. We both had been getting a pretty good response these past few shows, but for some reason everyone just decided they didn't want to get into either of us. Patriot was good, but I wasn't that excited to watch anyone after our set being such a bummer. The Mongoloids were good as usual, I just was really tired feeling and wasn't in the best of moods. I didn't even watch Agnostic Front, because I didn't want to set through all their new shit with a whole bunch of drunks everywhere just to see a few of their old songs.

That's about it. At least that I'm going to share anyways.

Nostalgia

These feelings of nostalgia will not go away. I don't know what to do or how to get them to go away and hopefully to never come back. I can't get over these feelings and it feels like they are eating away at my stomach every single day. I have tried so many different approaches to try to rid myself of this problem, but nothing even puts a dent in it. It seems like the harder I try, the harder they fight back. I have found that I can at least distract myself and not think about it, but eventually I am by myself again and it comes back just as bad, if not worse than before. Maybe it's worse then, because it had been waiting to come out, just floating and gaining strength on the verge of my consciousness. I guess all I can do is wait on it to pass or find a way to reverse it, so to speak.