Morning

I figured that if I didn't post for a long time, I'd maybe have more to say when I finally did. I don't think that's true at all. The only thing I have learned is that life is just one huge disappointment after another. I've watched everything around me come crashing down. I just wish I went with it. I don't mean to bitch and moan, because I know that I am fortunate, but I just don't even see a reason to wake up in the morning anymore. What do I have to look forward to?

Awful

So yesterday was fucking terrible. I haven't been as sad and confused as I was yesterday ever in my life. I don't even know how to explain what I felt yesterday, so I'm not even going to try. I didn't even go to band practice, which I was actually looking forward to, because I didn't feel that I needed to be around anyone yesterday. This really fucking sucks.

My phone won't let me scroll down anymore, so that's awesome. I'm about to go to the T-Mobile store today and figure out what I'm doing about that, I guess.

One good thing was it snowed for a few this morning and I actually got to enjoy it for a little bit, which was awesome. That's about it.

Time

It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how we've changed. I don't know what it is that made you fall so far away from what you, what we were. There are not words to describe what I've been feeling these past few weeks. Everything I see reminds me of it. I can't stop thinking about it, no matter how many distractions I find. Those old pictures are the worst. I see your smile and it makes my eyes water up every single time. Why can't time machines be real? I'd change so much to make everything so much better right now. You said time doesn't change people. You were right about that. Pain is what changes people. I've changed a lot.

Tunnel Pt. 2

I feel even more alone than before. The tunnel that I am going through seems more and more desolate by the minute. My only comfort is that the light at the end is getting more radiant. Although, everyday things push me farther away from reaching that light. I keep trying to find some sort of side route, another escape, but the only way out is forward. So I have to keep trudging forward. While it hurts the most, being alone is also my only comfort in this place. At least I can see that there is nothing else in here that finds me a trespasser on it's territory.

Tunnel

Well, I found out the way to get rid of those feelings. The truth. I should have figured it all out sooner, but didn't until tonight. The feelings have disappeared and now there is really nothing there. It still hurts like hell, but at least I can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Part of me feels relief to such an extent that it's unbelievable. The other half just feels such an unbearable lonely feeling that I don't know what do with myself. I know I should not be dwelling over this, especially knowing the truth of it all, but I am. I hope this tunnel isn't a very long one, because I'm scared of the dark.

Another Day Wasted

Another blog entry that is a day late. I gotta get on the ball with these!

Anyways...Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I got up and sat around basically all day. I eventually went out with my family. We went out to eat at Flaming Amy's and it was awesome as usual. Then, my uncle and I got dropped off at Books a Million while my aunt and Mom went to Walmart. I basically just sat around with Garrett for a little bit and talked about random stuff. He left and I walked around looking at random books.

After my Mom came back for us, we went to Fanboy Comics. I picked up three different ones. I had the first one of the Star Wars Clone Wars comics and wanted the second one. Then I got a 30 Days of Night one and some weird horror comic. I haven't read them yet because I'm too tied up in Death Note. Also I need to finish that last Twilight book so I can return it to Mrs. Mandich.

Anyways, that about sums up yesterday for me.